Sticks && Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me - LIES. Words can hurt way worse than someone simply punching you in the face. Fatty. Chunky. Chubby. Ugly. Big girl. Fat. Big. Huge. Disgusting. Words hurt. I've dealt with these words slipping out of the mouths of others, whether it be a whisper or saying it to my FACE. I prefer to just hear it to my face. I know I'm big. I know I have curves. I've dealt with it. I know it. I've heard it. SO STOP TELLING ME.
Lately I've started working out and my goal has been set - Size 10 by Christmas..I'm currently a size 17 jeans, size 16 dress. But that is all going to change. I know people are doubting me...I know there are people who don't think I can...but guess what...I'm ready to shut you up. I'm sick of the whispers and the name-calling...from "friends" from my parents, from strangers...I can only take so much. But YOU and Society are telling me I NEED to be skinny....I NEED to be thin. Well...here we go. I'm in.

Mr. && Mrs.

I never thought married life would really be any different, but it is. I'm not around my friends anymore, they are all getting ready to go back to college, or back home enjoying the last of their summers. I am here, filling out application after application. References please. Last Job held. What makes you special?  I am tired of writing the same things over and over. Besides, they don't really care. And every clothing store I walk in to shows those stupid maniquins that are a size zero...wow why would they hire me?? A double digit. They look at me with that sad look, you know the one that says, I feel bad for you...can't you lose any weight...are you really proud of yourself....do you like looking like that...you're not good enough.
All my friends are sitting out in the sun, swimming or tanning. I'm sitting in my apartment with absolutely nothing to do because I still haven't found a job and facebook only has so much you can do. My husband is out skateboarding...well good for him, I'm glad he can go out and have fun, but I will stay here and be responsible as always...looking for a job, cleaning the apartment.
Can life get easy? Please. But at least I'm not alone...right?

Welcome to Adulthood

There are few days before I become a Mrs. and all I hear about any complaint or hard time that has happened is "welcome to adulthood" Well guess what? I never asked for adulthood. Take it back. I've been in adulthood (aka paying for everything myself) since I was a freshman in high school, but now the bills are higher and I'm not paying for just me. The times are getting harder and it's hard for me to just take it. I hear all my friends and how much fun they're having doing whatever whenever, but I have to work everyday and I have bills to pay, so there goes my money to go have fun.
Adulthood sucks. I just wanna be a kid again where my mom could come home from the store with a Candy bar for me and I was ecstatic. Now my parents don't pay for anything and I feel all alone. It's amazing how high school you have a million friends and all the time in the world and now I'm basically broke and alone with absolutely no time.
I kinda of apologize for basically whining this whole post, but man I just needed to get this out. :/

Soon to be

Everything is changing and it's changing quick. We just had our alterations for the dresses and tuxes for the wedding. It's crazy to sit there with your friends and watch them putting and dresses and to look in the mirror and see myself in a beautiful white gown knowing that everything is going to change. It's weird to think I won't be able to just call up my friends anymore to hang out...I'm going to be a married woman...I'm going to live somewhere else. I won't be just minutes away from my friends, I'll be hours away.
I don't know what it's going to be like exactly, you know, living with Jesse..just the two of us, but I can't wait!! He really is amazing. Plus there comes a point in one's life when living with your parents becomes almost unbearable and I am most definitely at that point in my life. I know it's going to be difficult; having to make new friends, work all the time, come home and clean, pay all the bills, be on our own, etc. but I'm not scared. I have no doubts and I am just anticipating the big day! <3

Red White and Blue

I was watching a show on TV  called "CMT's next Superstar." It's a show kind of like American Idol, except just for the genre of country music. It is amazing. These people are so talented and I can sing, but nothing compared to the talent shown on this program. But, anyways...on the episode from last week they went to an Air Force base and watched the troops come home to meet their families once again. They sang for the troops. These men and women had been deployed for 12 months. Some had children, wives, girlfriends, husbands...one even had a child who was 6months old...he didn't even get to be there for his daughter's birth. To give their lives for me and for you and for all that we have...to be so selfless as to give up their homes and families to make sure they're safe and to make sure we're safe...I mean wow. I am amazed.
My brother is in the Air Force and he's currently deployed for 7 months to Korea. Luckily he isn't in a war zone, but it doesn't make me miss him any less. It's sad to me that he probably doesn't realize how much I miss him and how much I appreciate him. I have friends who are also currently deployed in Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I am  so proud of them...I wish I was out there doing my part for our country. I only hope that I can make someone as proud of me as I am of all of them.
We forever owe so much to all of our military and their families for their bravery, courage, strength, but most of all for the selflessness that they show everyday. They fight for strangers...for some who don't even deserve to have the many things we as Americans have, but they still give their time, their care, their willingness, and sometimes their lives so that we have the opportunities that most dream of. I am forever in their debt. Thank you and God bless.

An army is a nation within a nation, it is one of the vices of courage.

 This is my brother, Charles DuVerney; Air Force

 Jim Myers; retired Army

 Steve Selke; Army

 Patrick Bonelli; Marines

 Nathan Cline; Air Force

 Luke Ryan; Army

 Jacob Laroche; Army

 Rayna Greenway; Army

Brandon Haneckow; Army

Thank you to all my friends and family who are serving. Love you all. <3

Poetry. My Passion.

Poetry is one of my passions. I love to write. Here is one of my favorites from the more than 50 poems I have composed.

Normandy

Sandy beaches now splattered with dismemberment.

Combat boots forever leave imprints.

The seas roar and wave’s crash, but red paint still secretly stays cemented in the sand.

The wind whispers cruel stories from yesterdays.

A foggy smoke still sits to show the history of what was.

Bandages and bruises of broken soldiers are badges of battle.

Repeated war, yet so different from the first round of rage.

Heat brings a sour smell and bitterness on the tongue.

The gruff voice of the general shouts my grade.

His wise words gave us the hope to win.

“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.”

We pressed on through the flashing metal and sprays of red.

Back home they cheer us on in heart, hoping for the day we return.

Some came to safety while others retired covered in red, white and blue.

Bravery, Courage, Ambition, Self-Sacrifice, Pride, and Patriotism.

2; 1944; 156,000; 2,500; 4,900; 6,036; total 425,000

Sex & Relationships

Why do people cheat on their significant others? I've often wondered this...is it because they're lacking something that we desire? Is it the rush of doing something we know is wrong without getting caught? Is it the excitement of "trying something new?" And what makes one person worthy of being that one person we're with forever? I've had around 4 actual relationships and have only had sex with one person and that's the person I am marrying and will be with for the rest of my life. Sometimes I still wonder if I missed out...I mean, look around, the whole world is sleeping with an average of 25-30 partners by the time they're 21...does it make me less of a person by not having the "whole experience?" Does it make me worse because I'm less experienced? Is he going to get bored with me later on? Will I get bored of him later on? Are marriages even real? Do people really stay together anymore for the rest of their lives? Will I have thoughts of someone else later on? Will he think of other girls he's been with? Will he think of them when he's with me? Am I the best he's ever had?

So many questions go through the heads of girls and guys alike when it comes to sex and relationships. I've come to learn a couple things though. 1.) Relationships rely on trust. Even though both parties have probably been through a lot with other people (maybe not even sexually speaking, maybe emotionally) you still need to trust the other person to look to the future with you and that the other people in the past have disappeared. 2.) Sex isn't something you should just hand out like a free sample. When you sleep around it just makes it that much more complicated when you make it to a real relationship. Plus sex can complicate a persons life so much (i.e. STD, unwanted pregnancy...etc.) 3.) When you find that person who is forever, you know that they're the one and although you make still talk or think about people from your past, you still know that they can't even compare to what you have. and 4.) Don't fall too fast. If you're with a guy for 3 days and already think you're in love...it's doomed. You fell...down a cliff and into a raging river of YOU'RE STUPID. It takes time to fall in love...you may be in like with someone after a couple weeks or months...but you are not in love. But when you do find love..I mean real love, not those 2-5 month relationships that amount to nothing but heartbreak and hate, but the 3 years spent dating and turning into a ring on that finger and a white dress, it will be amazing. So...don't worry, you'll find it, just relax, stop rushing and take a minute to think about what you're doing and how it will effect your life and those in it.
<3

A Sense Of Mother Nature

Ever wish you could breathe in the silver moon?

Feel the touch of the gentle clouds?

Kiss a glistening star?

Ever want to see the hush of the wind?

Hug the ray of a blushing sun?

Or sleep among the crashing waves?

Taste swollen raindrops or feel the orgasm of booming thunder,

chase lightening -

And

Drown in a pool of Mother Nature?

A Right To Life

Abortion is wrong. Period. Unfortunately there are approximately 1.2 million abortions performed each year in the U.S. What most people don't know is that in 1973 when the US Supreme Court ruled in favor of abortion in the court case Roe v. Wade, the mother, Jane Roe, who had fought the case came back and argued against abortion saying that she was wrong and how it truly effected her emotionally and that she never even ended up having an abortion. She had her baby. 13% of all women die from illegal abortions, because they are so unsafe. Most of those in favor of Pro-Choice say that a fetus is not a human being, but I beg to differ. You usually don't know you are pregnant til about 3-4 weeks after, right? Well an infants heart starts to form within the first 4-5 weeks and it starts fully beating in the first 6-7 WEEKS. If there is a beating heart...obviously something is alive. Unfortunately, for every 1,000 births, 241 abortions are performed. Out of those 241 children, those parents probably just killed at least 20 nurses and/or doctors, possible congressmen & woman, a future President of the United States, famous film director/author, actor/actress, sports figure, social worker, mom/dad...this child's whole life..their whole future was ended for no reason without their permission. What if i told you, you're going to die, right now, just because I said so and there's nothing you can do about it...how would you feel? Yeah, didn't think you would like it.


Different methods of abortions include:
-Methotrexate & Misoprostol: Two drugs that were developed for cancer (methotrexate) and ulcer (misoprostol) treatment are now being used in combination to kill babies. Methotrexate is used to poison the baby and then Misoprostol empties the uterus of the baby. Keep in mind that Methotrexate is a chemotherapy drug with the potential for serious toxicity, which can result in the death of the mother as well as the baby.


-Suction: The abortionist first paralyzes the cervix (womb opening).  He then inserts a hollow plastic tube with a knife-like tip into the uterus.  The tube is connected to a powerful pump with a suction force 29 times more powerful than a home vacuum cleaner.  The procedure tears the baby's body into pieces and the hose frequently jerks as pieces of the baby become lodged.  The placenta is then cut from the inner wall of the uterus and the scraps are sucked out into a bottle


-D&C (Dilatation & Curettage):Uncommon today and used during the first 10 weeks of pregnancy.  This is similar to the suction procedure except that the abortionist inserts a curette, a loop-shaped steel knife up into the uterus.  He then cuts the placenta and baby into pieces and scrapes them out into a basin.  Bleeding is usually profuse


-D&E (Dilatation & Evacuation): Performed during the second trimester (4-6 months) of pregnancy.  This method has largely replaced saline and chemical abortions, which too frequently resulted in live births, a complication from the abortionist's perspective!  A pliers-like instrument is needed because the baby's bones are calcified, as is the skull.  There is no anesthetic for the baby. The abortionist inserts the instrument into the uterus, seizes a leg or other part of the body and, with a twisting motion, tears it from the baby's body.   This is repeated again and again.  The spine must be snapped, and the skull crushed to remove them.  The nurse's job is to reassemble the body parts to be sure that all are removed.

-D&X (Partial Birth): Also used for advanced pregnancies.  The cervix is dilated to allow passage of a ring forceps.  A foot or lower leg is located and pulled into the vagina.   The baby is extracted in breech fashion until the head is just inside the cervix. The baby's legs hang outside the woman's body.  With the baby face-down, scissors are plunged into the baby's head at the nape of the neck and spread open to enlarge the wound. A suction tip is inserted and the baby's brain is removed. The skull collapses and the baby is delivered.  Sharp and suction curettage is continued until the walls of the womb are clean.

-Salt Poisoning: Most often used after the first trimester (first three months).  The abortionist injects a strong salt solution directly into the amniotic sac (fluid surrounding the baby).  The baby breathes and swallows it, is poisoned, struggles, and sometimes convulses. It takes over an hour to kill the baby.  The mother delivers the dead baby in a day or two (sometimes alive!).  Why "candy apple" babies?   The corrosive effect of the salt solution often burns and strips away the outer layer of the baby's skin.  This exposes the raw, red, glazed-looking subcutaneous layer of tissue.   The baby's head sometimes looks like a candy apple.  Some have also likened this method to the effect of napalm on innocent war  victims.  This technique was originally developed in the concentration camps in Nazi Germany.

This is what a baby looks like after being aborted by salt poisoning.

These don't sound cruel in any way do they? Why would you ever put your child through something so disgusting and cruel? And although they may not be able to speak for themselves yet, I am not afraid to speak for them. If you're reading this, be happy...your mom chose life.

Here Comes The Bride...

Getting married in 113 days makes me nervous and yet so so excited! I'm watching Say Yes To The Dress and it's just making me think about my own wedding and my wedding dress. This is obviously the biggest commitment of my life. Jesse & I have been together for over 3 years. We're high school sweethearts and he's my brothers best friend. I am so excited that we're going to be spending the rest of our lives together. I cannot wait for our wedding. I'm not nervous at all to live with Jesse for my life. He is my everything and I could never imagine my life without him. He is my best friend. I think it's interesting when people date for only like a month and say that they're in love and they will be together forever...uhmm...sorry, but life doesn't work like that. Try sticking with the same person through the ups and downs in each others lives for three years...that is love. I know everything about him and he knows everything about me. He makes me smile when tears are running down my face, I feel safe when I'm in his arms, I can't imagine my life without him.

This is my engagement ring.

My wonderful, amazing fiancée & I

I can't wait to start my life with the most amazing man I've ever met. He goes to the University of Michigan, he has two more years of school, but there's no way either of us could wait to start our future together. <3

You Know You're In College When...

1. You throw away dishes because they're "too dirty to wash"
2. You go to bed at 6am instead of waking up then
3. In high school you started at 7am, here anything before noon is considered early
4. There's music playing at any given time in your hall throughout the day
5. The weekend starts on Thursday
6. Even if you don't have a car you become a D.D.
7. You do laundry when the basket is over flowing or you have no underwear left
8. You put two desks on top of each other to make an entertainment center
9. You have a mattress on the floor as a futon
10. Water Pong is played in the study room
11. You get toilet paper from the front desk because you're too poor to buy your own
12. Who needs pans when so many things are microwavable?
13. You use a hot chocolate mug as a vase
14. You have a never-ending supply of ramen noodles
15. There's at least 4 parties every night Thursday-Saturday
16. If you don't party, you don't exist
17. Duct Tape fixes everything
18. You steal plates from the cafeteria so you don't have to buy any next year
19. You have drunk people blowing horns at 4am right outside your bedroom
20. Guys don't want to date, they just want a hook-up


Ugh....college.

You Can Be Different.

I realize that almost every single girl now, feels like they need to be a slut in order to fit in or get a guys attention. I didn't see it as much as I do now in University. Sometimes I feel like I'm the last person on earth with morals. Why do you have to dress like a prostitute to get a guy? - Oh wait, you don't. And trust me, the guys that take girls like that, those aren't the guys you want, because clearly they are the ones who just want to hit it and quit it. Every weekend I see girls sleep with a different guy and same with guys...except I see guys sleep with different girls within the same day! Why would you want a guy like that? Why do girls sit there and sleep with every guy? Sex should be something intimate...something you share with that special person who actually means something to you and isn't going to forget it or just add you to the ongoing list along with the other trophies. I wonder if these girls and guys who sleep with every other person they meet realize how much danger they are putting their selves in. A.) You are sleeping with every other person that person has already slept with and then the people the person they've slept with has slept with...and so it goes. B.) What if that person has an STD and you catch it? If you're just a one night stand, do you think they really care enough about you to even tell you? C.) What if something happens and they get you pregnant? Would you even know their name or where to find them? Would you want to tell them? Would you consider murdering that child because of YOUR mistakes?  Having sex with random people has deep consequences and furthermore, you are giving yourself a reputation that is most likely unworthy of what you truly are. Do you think that a guy/girl is going to want to fall in love, have a long-term relationship, or marry someone who has slept with dozens of other people? I wouldn't want to.
Luckily, I saved myself...unfortunately I didn't wait til marriage (I mistake on my part that I'm not proud of), but I gave my virginity to the man I will be marrying in 3 and a half months and he gave me his. I have never slept with another man and he has never slept with another woman. I don't have to wonder if he's comparing me to someone else. I don't have to compare him and think of him as any less than he is. I don't have to wonder if he has had someone better...or if he thinks of that other girl when he slept with me. Doesn't that sound a little better than thinking...hmmm I wonder if I'm good enough?
Well...you are good enough! And it's really not that hard to wait for the right person. It is possible to save yourself AND to find a partner who has also saved themselves. I promise it can happen, it happened to me. I know that waiting to have sex is really hard...especially if you have already had sex...but waiting for the right person is worth it.
Maybe I'm naive by hoping someone would listen to me...but I hope that someone will.

First Time.

This is something I have never done, but new experiences excite me. One of my friends blogs on here and suggested that I give it a try. I love to write, so I said Of course! My passion is to write. One day you will see my name posted in the New York Times on their Best Seller list. I have a lot of dreams and goals that I plan to accomplish throughout my long life that is ahead.
Currently I am 117 days away from marrying the man of my dreams, Jesse Patrick Ripper. We have been together for over three years now and he is my best friend and soul mate. I have no clue where I would be without him, but I don't want to know where I would be. I couldn't ask for anyone better to spend the rest of my life with.
Living in a small town gives you appreciation for the family that you have and the friends that you keep. They are all that you have. I have amazing friends, four that are closest to my heart - Brogan Brege, Liz Atkins, Paige McLennan, & Katie Van Slembrouck. Brogan, Liz & Paige I have known since eighth grade, which may not seem like a lifetime or anything, but my family moved a lot (8 different schools) and so it is the longest I've been anywhere. Katie is my college roommate and has become one of my very best friends. I am so grateful for them.
Overall I am a loud, sarcastic, outspoken, strong, confident woman who is very honest and opinionated. I know who I am and I know what I believe.