Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me - LIES. Words can hurt way worse than someone simply punching you in the face. Fatty. Chunky. Chubby. Ugly. Big girl. Fat. Big. Huge. Disgusting. Words hurt. I've dealt with these words slipping out of the mouths of others, whether it be a whisper or saying it to my FACE. I prefer to just hear it to my face. I know I'm big. I know I have curves. I've dealt with it. I know it. I've heard it. SO STOP TELLING ME.
Lately I've started working out and my goal has been set - Size 10 by Christmas..I'm currently a size 17 jeans, size 16 dress. But that is all going to change. I know people are doubting me...I know there are people who don't think I can...but guess what...I'm ready to shut you up. I'm sick of the whispers and the name-calling...from "friends" from my parents, from strangers...I can only take so much. But YOU and Society are telling me I NEED to be skinny....I NEED to be thin. Well...here we go. I'm in.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Mr. && Mrs.
I never thought married life would really be any different, but it is. I'm not around my friends anymore, they are all getting ready to go back to college, or back home enjoying the last of their summers. I am here, filling out application after application. References please. Last Job held. What makes you special? I am tired of writing the same things over and over. Besides, they don't really care. And every clothing store I walk in to shows those stupid maniquins that are a size zero...wow why would they hire me?? A double digit. They look at me with that sad look, you know the one that says, I feel bad for you...can't you lose any weight...are you really proud of yourself....do you like looking like that...you're not good enough.
All my friends are sitting out in the sun, swimming or tanning. I'm sitting in my apartment with absolutely nothing to do because I still haven't found a job and facebook only has so much you can do. My husband is out skateboarding...well good for him, I'm glad he can go out and have fun, but I will stay here and be responsible as always...looking for a job, cleaning the apartment.
Can life get easy? Please. But at least I'm not alone...right?
All my friends are sitting out in the sun, swimming or tanning. I'm sitting in my apartment with absolutely nothing to do because I still haven't found a job and facebook only has so much you can do. My husband is out skateboarding...well good for him, I'm glad he can go out and have fun, but I will stay here and be responsible as always...looking for a job, cleaning the apartment.
Can life get easy? Please. But at least I'm not alone...right?
Monday, July 11, 2011
Welcome to Adulthood
There are few days before I become a Mrs. and all I hear about any complaint or hard time that has happened is "welcome to adulthood" Well guess what? I never asked for adulthood. Take it back. I've been in adulthood (aka paying for everything myself) since I was a freshman in high school, but now the bills are higher and I'm not paying for just me. The times are getting harder and it's hard for me to just take it. I hear all my friends and how much fun they're having doing whatever whenever, but I have to work everyday and I have bills to pay, so there goes my money to go have fun.
Adulthood sucks. I just wanna be a kid again where my mom could come home from the store with a Candy bar for me and I was ecstatic. Now my parents don't pay for anything and I feel all alone. It's amazing how high school you have a million friends and all the time in the world and now I'm basically broke and alone with absolutely no time.
I kinda of apologize for basically whining this whole post, but man I just needed to get this out. :/
Adulthood sucks. I just wanna be a kid again where my mom could come home from the store with a Candy bar for me and I was ecstatic. Now my parents don't pay for anything and I feel all alone. It's amazing how high school you have a million friends and all the time in the world and now I'm basically broke and alone with absolutely no time.
I kinda of apologize for basically whining this whole post, but man I just needed to get this out. :/
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Soon to be
Everything is changing and it's changing quick. We just had our alterations for the dresses and tuxes for the wedding. It's crazy to sit there with your friends and watch them putting and dresses and to look in the mirror and see myself in a beautiful white gown knowing that everything is going to change. It's weird to think I won't be able to just call up my friends anymore to hang out...I'm going to be a married woman...I'm going to live somewhere else. I won't be just minutes away from my friends, I'll be hours away.
I don't know what it's going to be like exactly, you know, living with Jesse..just the two of us, but I can't wait!! He really is amazing. Plus there comes a point in one's life when living with your parents becomes almost unbearable and I am most definitely at that point in my life. I know it's going to be difficult; having to make new friends, work all the time, come home and clean, pay all the bills, be on our own, etc. but I'm not scared. I have no doubts and I am just anticipating the big day! <3
I don't know what it's going to be like exactly, you know, living with Jesse..just the two of us, but I can't wait!! He really is amazing. Plus there comes a point in one's life when living with your parents becomes almost unbearable and I am most definitely at that point in my life. I know it's going to be difficult; having to make new friends, work all the time, come home and clean, pay all the bills, be on our own, etc. but I'm not scared. I have no doubts and I am just anticipating the big day! <3
Friday, May 13, 2011
Red White and Blue
I was watching a show on TV called "CMT's next Superstar." It's a show kind of like American Idol, except just for the genre of country music. It is amazing. These people are so talented and I can sing, but nothing compared to the talent shown on this program. But, anyways...on the episode from last week they went to an Air Force base and watched the troops come home to meet their families once again. They sang for the troops. These men and women had been deployed for 12 months. Some had children, wives, girlfriends, husbands...one even had a child who was 6months old...he didn't even get to be there for his daughter's birth. To give their lives for me and for you and for all that we have...to be so selfless as to give up their homes and families to make sure they're safe and to make sure we're safe...I mean wow. I am amazed.
My brother is in the Air Force and he's currently deployed for 7 months to Korea. Luckily he isn't in a war zone, but it doesn't make me miss him any less. It's sad to me that he probably doesn't realize how much I miss him and how much I appreciate him. I have friends who are also currently deployed in Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I am so proud of them...I wish I was out there doing my part for our country. I only hope that I can make someone as proud of me as I am of all of them.
We forever owe so much to all of our military and their families for their bravery, courage, strength, but most of all for the selflessness that they show everyday. They fight for strangers...for some who don't even deserve to have the many things we as Americans have, but they still give their time, their care, their willingness, and sometimes their lives so that we have the opportunities that most dream of. I am forever in their debt. Thank you and God bless.
My brother is in the Air Force and he's currently deployed for 7 months to Korea. Luckily he isn't in a war zone, but it doesn't make me miss him any less. It's sad to me that he probably doesn't realize how much I miss him and how much I appreciate him. I have friends who are also currently deployed in Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I am so proud of them...I wish I was out there doing my part for our country. I only hope that I can make someone as proud of me as I am of all of them.
We forever owe so much to all of our military and their families for their bravery, courage, strength, but most of all for the selflessness that they show everyday. They fight for strangers...for some who don't even deserve to have the many things we as Americans have, but they still give their time, their care, their willingness, and sometimes their lives so that we have the opportunities that most dream of. I am forever in their debt. Thank you and God bless.
An army is a nation within a nation, it is one of the vices of courage.
This is my brother, Charles DuVerney; Air Force
Jim Myers; retired Army
Steve Selke; Army
Patrick Bonelli; Marines
Nathan Cline; Air Force
Luke Ryan; Army
Jacob Laroche; Army
Rayna Greenway; Army
Brandon Haneckow; Army
Thank you to all my friends and family who are serving. Love you all. <3
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Poetry. My Passion.
Poetry is one of my passions. I love to write. Here is one of my favorites from the more than 50 poems I have composed.
Normandy
Sandy beaches now splattered with dismemberment.
Combat boots forever leave imprints.
The seas roar and wave’s crash, but red paint still secretly stays cemented in the sand.
The wind whispers cruel stories from yesterdays.
A foggy smoke still sits to show the history of what was.
Bandages and bruises of broken soldiers are badges of battle.
Repeated war, yet so different from the first round of rage.
Heat brings a sour smell and bitterness on the tongue.
The gruff voice of the general shouts my grade.
His wise words gave us the hope to win.
“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.”
We pressed on through the flashing metal and sprays of red.
Back home they cheer us on in heart, hoping for the day we return.
Some came to safety while others retired covered in red, white and blue.
Bravery, Courage, Ambition, Self-Sacrifice, Pride, and Patriotism.
2; 1944; 156,000; 2,500; 4,900; 6,036; total 425,000
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sex & Relationships
Why do people cheat on their significant others? I've often wondered this...is it because they're lacking something that we desire? Is it the rush of doing something we know is wrong without getting caught? Is it the excitement of "trying something new?" And what makes one person worthy of being that one person we're with forever? I've had around 4 actual relationships and have only had sex with one person and that's the person I am marrying and will be with for the rest of my life. Sometimes I still wonder if I missed out...I mean, look around, the whole world is sleeping with an average of 25-30 partners by the time they're 21...does it make me less of a person by not having the "whole experience?" Does it make me worse because I'm less experienced? Is he going to get bored with me later on? Will I get bored of him later on? Are marriages even real? Do people really stay together anymore for the rest of their lives? Will I have thoughts of someone else later on? Will he think of other girls he's been with? Will he think of them when he's with me? Am I the best he's ever had?
So many questions go through the heads of girls and guys alike when it comes to sex and relationships. I've come to learn a couple things though. 1.) Relationships rely on trust. Even though both parties have probably been through a lot with other people (maybe not even sexually speaking, maybe emotionally) you still need to trust the other person to look to the future with you and that the other people in the past have disappeared. 2.) Sex isn't something you should just hand out like a free sample. When you sleep around it just makes it that much more complicated when you make it to a real relationship. Plus sex can complicate a persons life so much (i.e. STD, unwanted pregnancy...etc.) 3.) When you find that person who is forever, you know that they're the one and although you make still talk or think about people from your past, you still know that they can't even compare to what you have. and 4.) Don't fall too fast. If you're with a guy for 3 days and already think you're in love...it's doomed. You fell...down a cliff and into a raging river of YOU'RE STUPID. It takes time to fall in love...you may be in like with someone after a couple weeks or months...but you are not in love. But when you do find love..I mean real love, not those 2-5 month relationships that amount to nothing but heartbreak and hate, but the 3 years spent dating and turning into a ring on that finger and a white dress, it will be amazing. So...don't worry, you'll find it, just relax, stop rushing and take a minute to think about what you're doing and how it will effect your life and those in it.
<3
So many questions go through the heads of girls and guys alike when it comes to sex and relationships. I've come to learn a couple things though. 1.) Relationships rely on trust. Even though both parties have probably been through a lot with other people (maybe not even sexually speaking, maybe emotionally) you still need to trust the other person to look to the future with you and that the other people in the past have disappeared. 2.) Sex isn't something you should just hand out like a free sample. When you sleep around it just makes it that much more complicated when you make it to a real relationship. Plus sex can complicate a persons life so much (i.e. STD, unwanted pregnancy...etc.) 3.) When you find that person who is forever, you know that they're the one and although you make still talk or think about people from your past, you still know that they can't even compare to what you have. and 4.) Don't fall too fast. If you're with a guy for 3 days and already think you're in love...it's doomed. You fell...down a cliff and into a raging river of YOU'RE STUPID. It takes time to fall in love...you may be in like with someone after a couple weeks or months...but you are not in love. But when you do find love..I mean real love, not those 2-5 month relationships that amount to nothing but heartbreak and hate, but the 3 years spent dating and turning into a ring on that finger and a white dress, it will be amazing. So...don't worry, you'll find it, just relax, stop rushing and take a minute to think about what you're doing and how it will effect your life and those in it.
<3
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